The Difference Between a Funeral and a Memorial Service

funeral vs memorial service white flowersLearn the Difference

It's interesting; the funeral and memorial service have much in common, yet they often appear very different. Each is a ceremony; a gathering of people who share a common loss. It's just that one is more rooted in tradition, while the other is the result of recent changes in social values. But both serve to do three things:

1. Help the bereaved family, and their community, publically acknowledge the death of one of their own.

2. Support the grieving family by surrounding them with caring friends, co-workers, and neighbors.

3. Move the deceased from one social status to another.

Yet they achieve those things in very different ways. First, let's take a closer look at what most of us commonly see as very traditional funerals.

What is a Funeral

It's not surprising funerals have been around for a very long time. Composed of three activities, the visitation, the funeral service, and the committal service, performed at the graveside; this funeral is the one we'd easily recognize from contemporary literature and film.

The Visitation
Held prior to the funeral, often the night before but sometimes on the same day, the visitation (or viewing) is a time when people come to support the family and, more importantly, pay their respects to the deceased. This often involves stepping up to the casket to view the body; either in the company of a member of the surviving family or on your own.

The Funeral Service
Commonly held in the funeral home or church, the traditional funeral service is led by an officiant of one kind or another; most commonly a pastor or the funeral director. This individual follows a very predictable funeral order of service which includes the singing of hymns; and invocations, Bible recitations, Scripture readings, and prayers led by the officiant.

The Committal Service
This takes place at the cemetery, after a slow and respectful automobile procession from the place where the funeral was held. The committal service ends when the casketed remains are lowered into the ground, and final prayers are said.

If you'd like to know more about the history of funerals in the United States, you may like to visit the website of the National Museum of Funeral History. But for now, it's enough to know that a funeral service traditionally has these three distinct components. Now let's look at a memorial service service.

What is a Memorial Service

what happens at a memorial service basket of yellow flowersAuthor Barbara Kingsolver, in her book The Poisonwood Bible, wrote “To live is to be marked. To live is to change, to acquire the words of a story, and that is the only celebration we mortals really know.” We think this reflection is at the heart of a memorial service. While a funeral, as we've described it above, has more to do with the orderly and often spiritually-defined; a memorial service is more concerned with telling the story of the deceased. Memorial services are just that: a time people come together more to celebrate the unique personality and achievements of the deceased than to merely witness or mark the change in their social status.

There's more room for creativity with memorial services than a funeral. Since memorial services are commonly held after the individual's physical remains have been cared for through burial or cremation; there is much more time available to plan the event. And without doubt, this allows you to make better decisions about how you'd like to celebrate the life of someone you dearly loved.

The flexability of the memorial service opens up the possibility of having a service in a variety of non-traditional settings including the beach, a park or large gathering spaces, such as meeting halls. Funeral homes do offer a logistical advantage as they are already set up with the audiovisual equipment and furniture that most families want to create a memorial service where people can share memories and reflect and also have a setup for a post-memorial catered reception, which is a common way to provide an informal event where mourners can gather in small groups to find additional connections and closure in the grieving process.

Are You Undecided? Turn to Us

We've got years of experience listening, brainstorming, and advising families how they can best pay tribute to a beloved family member. That means we're the perfect people to help you decide between a funeral and a memorial service. We'll explore your funeral service options with you in detail, taking all the time you need.

 

Memorial Service Ideas

 

Memorial Service Checklist